Assertiveness

"The basic difference between being assertive and being aggressive is how our words and behavior affect the rights and well being of others".
(Sharon Anthony Bower)

Knowing our boundaries and expressing them with love takes courage. Often we feel a compulsion to please others and say yes when we really mean no. Sometimes, in an effort to keep the peace, we let difficult people mistreat us. We convince ourselves if we ignore it or don't say anything it will stop. This can develop into a continuing cycle that costs us dearly. Carrying around toxic feelings of anger and sadness can eventually lead to acts of aggression against ourselves or others.

Many of us feel that if we stand against wrong actions we are being angry or antagonistic. Being assertive and saying "I do not accept this" is not aggressive, it is a display of self-respect. Allowing others to hurt us is an act of disrespect to both ourselves and those whom we allow to engage in and continue that pattern of behavior. If we do not set and maintain our own boundaries, how we can expect others to know what they are?

Assertiveness, without crossing the line into defensiveness or hostility takes patience and strong will. It is not easy, but practicing it develops a renewed sense of strength and self-worth. Assertiveness has nothing to do with lashing out at others, it is all about being true to who we are and honoring ourselves as worthy of fair treatment.

Today's Exercise:

Are there times when you tend to say yes when you mean no? Are there people in your life who you feel tend to take advantage of you or mistreat you somehow? Do you recognize ways in which you might allow this to continue? Have you set clear boundaries in your life, or are you sending mixed signals? What actions can you take to be more assertive in your life?

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